Please don’t publish this story now!

She  brought out a black colored animal horn-like object filled with red and white cotton wool , spat on it and muttered some inaudible words . …But don’t publish this story now!


           The old man  held his cigarette with his tiny fingers and coughed heavily. He  again smoked the cigarette then released the smoke into the air and it danced towards heaven .

        He  adjusted his rocking chair made of local fabrics and pleaded “please don’t publish this story before I die .If  you do and my son reads this he would know I’m talking about his mother and will not forgive me”. Again,he coughed heavily , spat brown colored sputum ( no thanks to his smoking) into a container kept by his side.”Baba why don’t you stop smoking  as it contributes to your coughing”, I said .The old man looked at me with disdain , shook his head , and responded ” I have been smoking before you were born. I am 85 years of age and if I had wanted to die through smoking I would have died , and besides that it is not what I called you for”. I am sorry Baba, let’s continue our business at hand, I pleaded.

     ”Now ,  on your  recorder, take your pen and paper and start writing this story” , he ordered . Since I got a good story I brought out my camera and quickly  took good  shots of him  .He warned ” Ha!, please don’t use my photograph , delete it from your camera , don’t let me curse you and don’t ever be tempted to use it in your story” , he warned  again.

” It was during the raining season “, he started his story, “I was going to a friend’s place and along the way I was drenched. I ran into a kiosk  for cover not only  from the rain but from thunder and lightening and also to keep warm. The woman who was my cousin’s wife and owner of a nearby shop was magnanimous enough as she pitied me and asked me to come into her beer parlor to wait until the rain stopped.I met about six people there who also ran there for cover .In that beer parlor there was another inner room and after some minutes I was hearing a familiar male’s voice.

”I overheard their conversation ‘ you cannot go out now to ease yourself , people are there watching. Baba Lekan is there , please don’t let him know you are here ‘.

”When the rain stopped and everybody left but I didn’t. The woman asked me to leave but I told her I wanted to buy a bottle of beer , she asked  me to take it home, again I demanded for a shot of a local gin , Ogogoro . Curiosity took over me as I wanted to know who was in the room.

”I wanted to be sure of  the owner of the  male’s voice .The more I advanced into the room the more the man screamed of wanting to urinate .Time now was 12:05 am .Pretending as if I was drunk I shouted ‘Baba Segun what are you doing here at this time of the day?’. He first pretended as if he did not hear, then I repeated  my question again and said ‘it is me , Lukman your cousin’. The old man began to stammer, tried to explain why he was there.  The woman too ran to me , knelt down and begged me not to expose her, she even asked me not to pay for what I bought .

”The woman, we called Mama Kudi was a wife to Baba Segun’s younger brother (Ibrahim ),and has been having an affair with her. Baba Segun was my big uncle , he was a younger brother to my father , that means I am very young to the two of them .Then I was in my 30s and has just returned from the East after the Nigerian Civil war.

”One Sunday morning I was at home still a bachelor when Mama Kudi came to me , she went on her knees , begged me not to tell anybody about the affair she was having with Baba Segun .She brought gifts.I didn’t tell anybody for a very long time while Baba Lekan did not stop going to her shop.

”Mama Kudi  gave birth to a bouncing baby boy few months later .The baby looked exactly like Baba Segun but the old woman kept it to herself . I stopped going to her shop. It was while playing the Yoruba Ayo  Olopon game when more stories started unfolding. One of the players told the story of how the British came to rule Nigeria, how the country was faring  in the 40s .Another man narrated  the story of how one of his colleagues stole during the war  , War stories,  gossips of people’s affairs , and stories where Ayo game was being played .

”I started going to Mama Kudi  telling her how I knew about her sexual escapades and she too would be begging me by giving me free drinks. It became my habit. One day I told her that I wanted to sleep with her or else I would expose her, she shouted ‘what is my secret? Tell me’. Thinking I would talk about Baba Segun or  the bastard child she had , “No ! “. I now told her how she poisoned her husband’s brother  because he caught her in an hotel with another man in 1970 after the war when men were scarce as many had died in the war. She was shocked , she screamed. She   knelt down and begged me, but I insisted  but on one condition, I should  have sex with her .She pleaded  but I was already high and dead drunk and wanted to have my way. She knelt down and begged me three times and that she was still menstruating and  in her ovulation period in her mid 50s and could get pregnant. She said she had become a pack of mockery everywhere for having four  children for two different men and it wasn’t her  fault. She reluctantly accepted the offer that night .


        ” While both of us were still naked  and in bed on that  morning, she brought out a black colored animal horn- like object filled with red and white cotton wool , spat on it and muttered some inaudible words. She later brought out a container and emptied her urine on me and said   ‘You , Lukeman you will live long if I should get pregnant but no matter the amount of water you drink you will not be satisfied until you taste a woman’s urine .And if I don’t get pregnant but for forcing yourself on me because you know my secret you will weep towards the end of your life. But don’t publish this story now.

”I dismissed her words with the wave of the hand.

”In 1972 I did London GCE/ CAMBRIDGE. I passed courses in Accounting and became an Accountant and was doing well in a British Company in Lagos.

”I have six children from three women .But each woman left one after the other because of my strange behavior ”.

            As the old man got to this point , he gave a heavy sigh and warned again” please do not divulge this secret until after my death. Play the tape for my children if they doubted your story “.

On the 23rd January 1998 my last wife with her daughter packed out of my house and never returned till  this day .It was that same reason why my two wives packed out that made me to almost be lynched in 2010.

             He continued ” Despite the fact that I am rich. I didn’t construct or build modern toilet     ( WC) instead I use pit toilet. I have been using pit toilet for a very long time. Anytime my wives and their female children urinate in the potty I would pretend as if I loved them and would take the urine pretending I was going to empty it in the toilet but would empty them in  green bottles , put them in the fridge. Many thought it was beer.

”One early morning Tina and her mother tip -toed and caught me red handed .That was the last day I saw them as they accused me of trying to use them for money -making ritual and to prolong my life. All efforts to explain to them failed.

           ”Now , on the 23rd of May 2011  I had been used to some brothels where I paid for a prostitute to be assisting me of  her colleagues’ urine at the popular area of Ayilara .I paid the prostitute who had been my customer for a long time very well and she had been bringing me urine , not knowing she was being monitored by her partners . One day she was caught while handling over a bottle of “beer” to me .Immediately I took the two bottles from her. All her colleagues who had been hiding and trailing us pounced on me and beat the hell out of me.They sent for my children who came to bail me out at the police station.The day was a bad day when I was rescued from the angry mob, accusing me  of  trying to use human urine for sacrifice .No, it wasn’t so. The fact is that anytime I am thirsty and drank water I would be more thirsty until after drinking woman’s urine before I am satisfied and relieved .

”I had gone to several hospitals but no solution, In fact herbalists and spiritualists  had no effect. I was asked to go and beg the woman who did it , but she died immediately after childbirth, for according to the doctor she should not have had child at that age.

”The baby boy she had for me was raised by her mother’s family , but I sponsored all his university education.

”When the rumor spread out that I was into money -making ritual I denied it.  I even swore that it wasn’t so, but couldn’t tell them the above story .In fact my last wife left me when she caught me drinking her urine.

”The child that Mama Kudi had for me and two others another woman are the only surviving children . Three other children are no more , while one was lost and never seen till today the  two others died in a fire accident .

       ”Please publish this story after my death . Let the boy and the whole world know that I was not into any ritual”.

NB: The Old man has died and has since been buried  not too long ago.

We have changed names and places.





BoN’s Adventure: Ada and you did this to me!

BoN’s adventure

BoN’s Adventure

Immediately I sighted her  at Oshodi  my heart kept pounding , and before you say Jack Robinson the  “royal staff of office” which  is   in- between my legs started  dangling like pendulum .I could not hold my breath. Ha , Omo lo dara to bayi ?  , I spoke Yoruba. Ada  wore a very beautiful spaghetti clothes that revealed  her upper part and when I saw the two oranges I thanked God for seeing it for the first time in my life! .

The  fitted jeans  that revealed her curves turned me on and I became restless as the boobs showed she was not wearing underwear . l quickly used my hands to cover my  “office” located at the lower part of my  body to avoid being seen that it was getting swollen from my frontal view as it was shaking  its head like agama agama lizard where I kept it .  I screamed ” O jigbi jigbi” , then something dripped from my JT and  gummed my tights .

She wore expensive gold , not palasa  .Her brown leather shoe matched her bag .The complete set of her white teeth can make a Bishop deny Jesus Christ as Simon Peter did , just for a second.

Immediately I saw her  I followed her .

When  she sighted me she too   seemed to be interested and we began from  body language to voice ….

“What is your name? “, I asked her , She looked at me disdainfully, ” What do you want and why are you after me since?”, she queried .I stammered “I ….I …like you and want to …”, I was nervous because  I  saw a bunch of keys  with   car keys she was holding, she spoke through her nose ( like the  ‘Been – tos’). After chatting we exchanged phone numbers, I brought out my  Nokia 3310 and typed her number  but  she brought out six  expensive phones and typed mine. She spoke phonetics , again I was  fidgeting  .She  is a big girl, for she speaks Queen’s English, she must have come from the USA, or UK, I guessed.

She demanded for her transportation fare back home and I gave her 5,000 Naira leaving me with 200 Naira in my purse.I  wanted to show her that me too I dey ,   as I dangled my  keys , I  told her my car was bad.

We started to meet  at an eatery at Herbert Macaulay Yaba , where I used to pay  her  bills whereas I drink gaari  before leaving  home .One day I told her I must know her house but she said  she always return home   late from the Bank where she works.

I was proud to go out with a Banker , who lives in Surulere .I showed my friends my latest catch, big fish for that matter and latest lady in  town.

One day she demanded for 10k , and since I was not proficient in computer and send her money through on- line, she did it herself by transferring the money with my phone  into her account.

At another time she needed only 2k and I went to borrow money and transferred 20k  into her account .

Last week   my boss, Mr.Stephen Sootan  transferred 500k into my account and asked me to help him keep it and would withdraw it  when needed .The following  day Ada came and we had a nice time as I went to drink paraga, Star, Moon,  to enhance my sexual performance. Oh my Lord, different thoughts flooded my mind. I will do it today.

We ate fish pepper soup worth 12k we went in .I  brushed  my kola nut stained  teeth,  greased  my JT with Maclean for easy entry , I gave  her  fantastic kissing until I bite her tongue  and lips and blood flowed .I touched  her bum bum, gripped her .Ye! ! I was shaking like an electrocuted man .Then I unzipped .” No, no, I am a virgin and we cannot  do  it now because  I’m on my period “, she yelled. Then let me romance , I pleaded .She  did not allow me to fondle  her breasts  because ,it is a sin before God .

That  night I suffered hell for I was seeing the  beautiful erotic and  dark- cushioned area but could not go in.  I saw only the sitting room but  not allowed to go into the room  but only peeping!. I could not touch the dark colored and attractive hair called pubic hair .No, I was not allowed to touch the twins or two  oranges  displayed on her chest with the dark teat pointing .Oh my God , she did not allow me to even touch the smooth  laps that could  tempt  Man of God and fall yakata. I begged , I pleaded to touch any of these    zones to cool my tension but she refused and said since she is still a virgin and  we had not wedded , and it is against her church’s  principles.

Three days later ,  my Oga asked me to wire his money into his account in Owerri for he has seen the business he wanted to use it for .And I tried to wire the money into his account but it became like Fela song ” Òrò Pesi je”. Ada had  emptied my account, one million five hundred Naira has gone.Yes , I forgot to tell you that my cousin deposited  one million Naira into my account  to pay advance fee for the land he wanted to purchase  at Igbusi .

I wept like a baby, I thought it was the handiwork of my enemies.

Ada’s friend    pitied and  gave me the address of Ada at Ayilara, and asked me to ask for ‘Nkeshi’ when I get there , but I said ” No way, it is a place for prostitutes , Ada lives in Surulere”, I argued .

When I eventually made up my mind and went to Ayilara , I was told she has  just left  for  village in Benin as she has made enough money to start business.

Now she has switched off her phones for the past two months. Yesterday  I cried. I have no money in my account to sustain myself , my boss is asking for his money while my cousin is back demanding to know the site he paid for .My landlord is threatening fire and brimstone for I am owing three  months house rent , a room.  My mother died last week and I am the first born.My okada motorcycle has knocked while the  fiancée  I abandoned for Ada has gotten a job in one of the Embassies but had married another guy. Please advise me where do I  start from.

This story is a fiction.

How Sango Festival Was Celebrated In Cotonou

Many people may not know that as the Yorubas have the Sango festival in Nigeria, the Bennenoirs also have same Sango festival in the Republic of Benin.

Taiwo Abiodun was in Cotonou live and he captures the festival as it happened in Benin Republic.

“I was there when Arewa Omo’ba Oduduwa coordinated six (6) spiritually strong women to The Great Babalawo of the Nation Taiwo Abiodun last year August for holy marriage together at the Republic of Benin,” a Nigerian Prince Oba-Loye Adimula who attended the event told Taiwo

Adimula added that, “Whereas the deity of Ogho land Tunde Onibode was the Best man! — with Onisile Olanrewaju, Arewa Omo’ba, Erelu Ibukunoluwa Omomoh Adedokun, Taiwo Abiodun and Tunde Onibode.”

It was fun as Nigerians trooped to Cotonou to see the Benin version of the Sango festival. Of course Benin Republic formerly called Dahomey was once an extension of the Oyo Kingdom and no wonder some festivals and traditions of the Yoruba kingdom are still being observed in Benin Republic till date.